Blogilympics Part 1

Welcome to the Agglomeration

Well it's been settled. Ngiammy, author of one of my favourite blogs - Lonely Boy - has challenged me to a duel, and being the chivalrous, ambitious blogger who never backs down from a challenge (unless of course that challenge involves a girl and an ornate booth- extrapolate what you will from that, and 10 points for any person who gets that reference), I have accepted his request.

Essentially, what is going to happen is that we each give each other a topic to blog about, and whatever we say, the other person has to make that the main topic of their blog. Parameters are very open, and anything goes, really, as long as there is some tenuous link that can be demonstrated upon request from a neutral arbiter who has a sense of mistaken identity (10 points for getting that reference as well).

Anyway, when both posts are posted, and hopefully not lost in transit, you readers will get to vote on which one you liked more.

Yesterday when I was offered the word 'Cheese' to blog about, and I posed the word 'Cucumber' for Ngiammy to discern, we knew the duel was underway. May the best piece of rock win.

Round 1 - Cheese

Avid readers, I hear your sorrow, your complaints and your criticisms for my humble blog. It's not that I don't know what's wrong with it, it's not that I don't think your opinions are untrustworthy or inferior to my superior self, it's not even that I am a cynical cold-hearted bastard (although my opponent might wish to take me up on that fact), it's simply that I've chosen to ignore all of you, well because...I am a cold, heartless and jaded person. There is a difference, you see.

And so, however, since I am counting on your vote (which you can do by voting on the sidebar on your right of course), I believe that it would be best to appeal to an issue that has been pointed up by one of you. It has been mentioned that my posts have been quite verbose and lengthy, and there has lacked some sort of multimedia involvement, so I guess there's a chance for me to exploit that absence and use it to my advantage. But guess what? I'm not going to do that. You're not going to win THAT easily. See, in my posts, I try to make a point, and I accomplish that by being a long-winded blabberfinger that never ceases until my fingers need to take a breath, which is never...and so, instead of embedding the video into this post, you're going to have to click on a link, because see, i'm an advocate for exercise, and this is my campaign to combat obesity in the Australian household. So watch this video, you'll see how it's all relevant in around 5 and a half minutes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3KBuQHHKx0

I'm also an advocate for hypocrisy so watch the video below (if it works) if you were too lazy to click that link. You're either a lazy person who deserves to get a free ticket onto the Biggest Loser, or you're just freakily conscious and paranoid of unsuspecting rick rolls.

Secondly, cheese is the word of choice for photographers when they snap a pic of you which will haunt you for the rest of your life. Now I would like to say that this is a completely absurd, pointless and morally wrong thing for you to be doing, and I would like to cast away all doubt that these photographers are being agents of the Devil exercising their demonic curses and wishes for you to spend the rest of your lives in agony and suffering.

See, saying cheese forces you to smile in these snapshots of your soul. Now while you innocent and clueless readers might think, "Isn't that the point...", I'd agree with you, but my point is that that is the essence of their mindtrap. One is never meant to smile in photos, it is fake, a meaningless facade, and a mere artificial representation of the sorrow and discontentedness that is actually within you. The more one tries to keep up an appearance, the more fractured one is, and therefore the amount of smiling caused by this evil word that should be banished from our language forever, 'cheese', is directly proportional to the lack of self-worth you have. So don't do it.

Finally, to round off this first post of 'The Duel' I would like to draw your attention to this graph here:

http://www.codinghorror.com/blog/images/rat_box_graph.png

Here's a summary of why I think this graph is awesome. The message of that graph has been distorted into the following puzzle. Whoever cracks this doozy of a cryptic puzzler will receive a generous reward. Good Luck.

45: Like our dresses?

135: $200

225: Jail

315: MGMT

Clue: It might be easier to work these out, bearing in mind that I'm a punny sorta guy.

Thus ends my post for Round 1 of 'The Duel'. Bring it, Ngiammy, let's see what you've got with 'Cucumber'. And to my avid readers, visit his blog http://ngiammy-lonelyboy.blogspot.com/, and you can vote on the poll about which one is better. I will make the poll when he has created his post.

I end with this gem of wisdom from your humble blogger:

"They might say 'No guts, No Glory', but I say 'No guts, and you've got one messed up digestive system."

Till next time, may you agglomerate all your unpremeditated contemplations.