Blogilympics Part 2

Welcome to the Agglomeration

The readers have spoken. I emerged victorious from the first round of the Blogilympics winning 6-2 over my opponent Ngiammy. I'm happy about this for 3 reasons:

1. I get a point. Don't we all just love arbitrary numerical progress-monitoring systems?
2. I have one more point than Ngiammy. Don't we all just love arbitrary numerical comparative systems?
3. It is the only point I'll ever get in this competition. Don't we all just love arbitrary numerical progress-monitoring, comparative systems that completely obliterate an individual's self esteem?

The correct answer to the 3 above questions are:

Green, Traffic Lights and Sex (See what I did there?)

Subliminal messaging aside, the topics for Round 2 have been released, and I must say how appalled I am at the quality of the topic that Ngiammy gave me, but I am impressed with my ability to come up with an equally fantastic topic for him to blog about.

The topics for this round are as follows:

Agglomeration: 'I first topic you last time so you topic me this time'
Lonely Boy: 'When me look in cabinet, me see I in glass'

How will we approach our topics? Will we approach our topics at all? Do I know a cat-hoarding, wake-boarding, lion-roaring, eagle-soaring, boar-boaring, onomatopoeia pouring psychopath named Bill?

For no answers to the above questions and more, read on.

Round 2 - I first topic you last time so you topic me this time

My entry for this competition is a demonstration of literary and poetic creativity, lack of grammar or punctuation cultural and italicised references, and a hint of neurotic genius psychosis. This is my grammarless and punctuationless poem.

Cranial Echoes

I book computering read senile fools for what better of word could not possibly eat Dutch kangaroos while I got the firing when not trying out dictionary pirouetted what?

First may I not exaggeration the complexityness of not edifying said hematites and becausal has not real benefits for compensatory bouts of Godwin'sed Lawing and Can I playing with madness?

Topic are hard thinking about but do think not I am craziness while Be quick or be dead be good bee.

You be child of moon but yet here are you and where but whom can buy the prophecy of propheted and propheting?

Last Numbering of the Beasts can be deadening and deaf as to why is that well we can never knowing.

Time flies arrow like but fruit flies banana like in holy smoking.

So what if eternal wasting years are never to be but if we think then sured we must am?

You are two minutes middle of night from, what shalt you do-eth when the wherewolf might lair its fangs and claw death into you?

Topic and war of conflicting battling field of Paschendale here we're standed in the midst of such pain and suffering but why death do you not sweep upon us?

Me gambler now and maybe I shalt lose but maybe the angel will rescuing me from myself, free me from love, and restore the identity of whom that I shall and will be.

This phantom of operatic nature and existence comes with scythe in hand and dark soles on footing and swift and fasterer can it slay than that three heads being might.

Time this you think may I have too far gone but this competition for I do not care which is of importance lesser than my integrity and courage, and why shalt I not fly where eagles dare?

Now you may think that this is a load of utter, non-sensical rubbish, and you probably know that I don't deserve to win this round. Frankly, as I stated in the last part of my poem, I couldn't care less if the prize was to be the most valuable thing of all. Having being literally inspired by many of the authors and poets from the Literature Festival, I decided to experiment with words, ideas and most importantly, as shown in my given topic from Ngiammy, syntax as well as inappropriate grammar and punctuation usage. The most important elements of my poem are:

1. Syntax - Lots of reversal and switched around word order
2. Grammar Confusion - A lot of nouns are used as verbs, adjectives as nouns, verbs as everything else.
3. Some parts of the acrostic poem are just light-hearted jovial quips, while a few of these lines offer a deep gateway into my very soul.

Writing about what you truly believe was something I learnt from the Festival, and I think that the strength of these messages and ideas which I strongly advocate can be augmented when interlaced with meaningless and very shallow jests.

I don't expect anyone to like this. I don't expect anyone to vote for me. I don't expect anyone to care. But I do expect you to respect this decision of mine.

Also, the first person to post in the comments section the common reference I made in all my stanzas will win a prize. The answer to the puzzle posed in the last post was simply that the numbers referred to bearings (it was in the hint I gave you).

That's all from me for this round. Now hurry up and vote for Ngiammy.

Till next time, may you agglomerate all your unpremeditated contemplations

Blogilympics Part 1

Welcome to the Agglomeration

Well it's been settled. Ngiammy, author of one of my favourite blogs - Lonely Boy - has challenged me to a duel, and being the chivalrous, ambitious blogger who never backs down from a challenge (unless of course that challenge involves a girl and an ornate booth- extrapolate what you will from that, and 10 points for any person who gets that reference), I have accepted his request.

Essentially, what is going to happen is that we each give each other a topic to blog about, and whatever we say, the other person has to make that the main topic of their blog. Parameters are very open, and anything goes, really, as long as there is some tenuous link that can be demonstrated upon request from a neutral arbiter who has a sense of mistaken identity (10 points for getting that reference as well).

Anyway, when both posts are posted, and hopefully not lost in transit, you readers will get to vote on which one you liked more.

Yesterday when I was offered the word 'Cheese' to blog about, and I posed the word 'Cucumber' for Ngiammy to discern, we knew the duel was underway. May the best piece of rock win.

Round 1 - Cheese

Avid readers, I hear your sorrow, your complaints and your criticisms for my humble blog. It's not that I don't know what's wrong with it, it's not that I don't think your opinions are untrustworthy or inferior to my superior self, it's not even that I am a cynical cold-hearted bastard (although my opponent might wish to take me up on that fact), it's simply that I've chosen to ignore all of you, well because...I am a cold, heartless and jaded person. There is a difference, you see.

And so, however, since I am counting on your vote (which you can do by voting on the sidebar on your right of course), I believe that it would be best to appeal to an issue that has been pointed up by one of you. It has been mentioned that my posts have been quite verbose and lengthy, and there has lacked some sort of multimedia involvement, so I guess there's a chance for me to exploit that absence and use it to my advantage. But guess what? I'm not going to do that. You're not going to win THAT easily. See, in my posts, I try to make a point, and I accomplish that by being a long-winded blabberfinger that never ceases until my fingers need to take a breath, which is never...and so, instead of embedding the video into this post, you're going to have to click on a link, because see, i'm an advocate for exercise, and this is my campaign to combat obesity in the Australian household. So watch this video, you'll see how it's all relevant in around 5 and a half minutes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3KBuQHHKx0

I'm also an advocate for hypocrisy so watch the video below (if it works) if you were too lazy to click that link. You're either a lazy person who deserves to get a free ticket onto the Biggest Loser, or you're just freakily conscious and paranoid of unsuspecting rick rolls.

Secondly, cheese is the word of choice for photographers when they snap a pic of you which will haunt you for the rest of your life. Now I would like to say that this is a completely absurd, pointless and morally wrong thing for you to be doing, and I would like to cast away all doubt that these photographers are being agents of the Devil exercising their demonic curses and wishes for you to spend the rest of your lives in agony and suffering.

See, saying cheese forces you to smile in these snapshots of your soul. Now while you innocent and clueless readers might think, "Isn't that the point...", I'd agree with you, but my point is that that is the essence of their mindtrap. One is never meant to smile in photos, it is fake, a meaningless facade, and a mere artificial representation of the sorrow and discontentedness that is actually within you. The more one tries to keep up an appearance, the more fractured one is, and therefore the amount of smiling caused by this evil word that should be banished from our language forever, 'cheese', is directly proportional to the lack of self-worth you have. So don't do it.

Finally, to round off this first post of 'The Duel' I would like to draw your attention to this graph here:

http://www.codinghorror.com/blog/images/rat_box_graph.png

Here's a summary of why I think this graph is awesome. The message of that graph has been distorted into the following puzzle. Whoever cracks this doozy of a cryptic puzzler will receive a generous reward. Good Luck.

45: Like our dresses?

135: $200

225: Jail

315: MGMT

Clue: It might be easier to work these out, bearing in mind that I'm a punny sorta guy.

Thus ends my post for Round 1 of 'The Duel'. Bring it, Ngiammy, let's see what you've got with 'Cucumber'. And to my avid readers, visit his blog http://ngiammy-lonelyboy.blogspot.com/, and you can vote on the poll about which one is better. I will make the poll when he has created his post.

I end with this gem of wisdom from your humble blogger:

"They might say 'No guts, No Glory', but I say 'No guts, and you've got one messed up digestive system."

Till next time, may you agglomerate all your unpremeditated contemplations.