Welcome to the Agglomeration
The Fall
Just as the first uplifts wake my spirit,
and twinkling surges meet in prospect
you shred my wings through absence,
vanished after just greeting's lapse.
Traceless, you've left to deal with the better,
more important
things in life.
The bittersweet scorn aftertaste you breathe
traces my descent,
your vapid perfume plunges just
above me,
tormenting and provoking,
keeping me aware of your existence,
though your presence died so long ago.
The whispering winds over howling birdsong,
a tremulous crescendo that carves my passage,
that vertical tunnel - my frictionless road -
drawing me closer toward the mundane core,
that pathetic crust - no it doesn't suit -
and second, direction abandons me, next my
grasp of time until I land face first
into a red pile of autumn leaves
beneath the skeleton tree.
The exorcism has failed.
Was it worth your grace?
The hidden price will reveal itself
when there's nothing left to burn.
Till next time, may you agglomerate all your unpremeditated contemplations.
3 comments:
there are places which u can improve/ embellish in "the fall". i think ur trying to get a resonant feel in the second stanza but your diction doesn't really accomplish it. e.g. "keeping me aware of your existence, though your prescence died so long ago". the last sentence of the first stanza seems more like a statement than a poetry. apart from these things i think it's pretty good. hehe. hope you don't take my comments harshly. xD
Love,
Lily
the awkward feel is intended as a break between the shift of focus toward the persona. language is failing so instead the fall itself takes over. It is not until the fall is over that any remnants of the original sentiments are unearthed and return to the surface.
thanks for the comments though :)
much appreciated!
Dear Eric Shi,
I was deeply moved by your feelings and your emotional poetry on your broken heart.
I feel the same way and i feel that we could be soulmates, if only you gave me the chance to love you like i know i should.
I saw you at the MLC sandwich debate and ever since then i feel nothing but love for your intelligence and your humour.
Love, your future sandwich maker to be
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